1. I frequently talk out loud to my cat because I have convinced myself that he responds positively to my voice, so it is almost like a real conversation.
2. Also, sometimes we dance if a really good song comes on or if I am in a really good mood.
3. But I am NOT a crazy cat lady.
4. I do not believe that reading fancy books is a constructive use of my time. I would always rather read John Grisham than Toni Morrison.
5. Also….Vampire Diaries? Totally hooked. The show, not the books. For trashy teen-oriented literature I prefer The Princess Diaries. Except for book 8, which was like a betrayal of everything I believe in. But I totally want to marry Michael Moscovitz.
6. People tell me I look like a vegetarian.
7. Only I think vegetarianism is a total waste of time.
8. And don’t get me started on vegans. Seriously. Haven’t you people heard of moderation?
9. Also, I don’t believe in green vegetables or eating fish.
10. I live in New York City but secretly I plan to buy a house someday on a few acres of a working farm and have a garden and chickens and maybe a cow.
11. Also, I have this fantasy that someday I will live in Paris.
12. This is because whenever I go to Paris, everyone thinks I am Parisian. I secretly love it when they think I am Parisian. Especially the boys.
13. Only I don’t speak French…so I am learning.
14. I love the color yellow, but I don’t look good when I wear it. So I settle for daffodils, which make me happy. And tulips.
15. I have a tendency to fall.
16. Like, seriously, all the time. Total klutz.
17. I love it when a weekend comes and the weather sucks and I have an excuse to stay inside and read a book and drink hot chocolate and sew and watch movies.
18. But I also love it in the spring when the weather is nice and my friends and I can play hooky in Central Park all day. Or at least I can walk around the city in my yellow skirt with the butterflies on it, falling over every crack in the sidewalk.
19. I love to do the New York Times crossword, which I started doing when I worked for the government and we got the papers for free. Only now I have to steal the paper from my co-worker and our office pays for it.
20. Also, starting on Thursdays, I usually have to cheat.
21. Classic Disney movies such as “Robin Hood” or “Beauty and the Beast” are totally on my top-ten movie list. They make me happy. Also, I have seen “Mamma Mia!” on stage 3 times for the same reason.
22. But really my favorite movies are old-fashioned Hitchchock movies like “Notorious” or “To Catch a Thief.” Only not “The Birds.” Why didn’t anyone tell me that movie is actually scary?
23. I am almost always wearing at least one of the following: a heart, a star or a butterfly. I am usually wearing at least one of the following: a hat, a vintage silk scarf, 5 earrings that do not match, or a t-shirt with an inside joke on it.
24. Except at work, when I usually have to wear a suit. Only I hate suits so I have created a series of strategies to avoid wearing a suit. And I never wear heels. Because I fall.
25. I weigh the same I weighed in high school…give or take 5lbs. Which is funny because when I was in high school I would eat a candy bar and a soda for breakfast and lunch and then have McDonald’s every day after school. And now I do yoga and walk and I am trying to learn to eat vegetables, so long as they aren’t green.